Alien Storm, The Bonfire of the Alien Invasion

If Tom Wolfe had written science fiction, or alien invasion action novels, he would have written this film today.  What we have here is a sci-fi epic from The Mahal Brothers Empire that sort of mirrors Wolfe's "The Bonfire of the Vanities." More importantly we have babes with guns.  We don't have enough socialite-survivalist babes with guns in our films today. Throw in a WWE wrestler, Tom Arnold as the Las Vegas mayor, and Kevin Sorbo as the president, and we have good alien invasion drama. Oh, did I mention the flesh eating zombies?  Funny how those can slip our minds. Let us look at 2026's "Alien Storm," an action-packed alien invasion film filled with biting social commentary with babes in peril, directed by Adam Werth.  BTW, this film comes out on July 21 in digital on Amazon Prime and Apple TV. 

Aliens or demons? I think aliens. They invade and disable major cities around the world. The president (Sorbo) tries to keep America calm, though there is little reason to be calm. In Vegas, Frank McConnely (Robert Standley) and his babe wife, Ophelia (Laura Mason) host a party. Frank's flying car company has just gone public and celebrities, the Detroit Lions, Charles Wright (WWE's Godfather) and other beautiful people assemble to celebrate. Jenna (Elley Ringo) is there to get a statement and pre-marital sex from Mayor Haines (Tom Arnold).  She may want to cover the New England Patriots after this invasion is over. At the party, the guests get word an invasion has gripped Vegas. Frank has a luxurious underground bunker and invites the privileged class to ride out this drama from there. Billie (Elizabeth Chamberlain), Frank's babe daughter, has to find the family dog before she will allow herself to be locked in. How do you think this will go?

Yep, the sultry Ophelia and Frank break out the machineguns and some of the guests decide to take the fight to the creatures, who are now in the mansion. The creatures are mean and shred the guests, then eat them. The shredded guests? Yep, they come back to eat the living.  Could it get worse?  While "The Bonfire of the Vanities" theme is playful and satirical, this film adds some taboo and heartbreak.  It goes from a light, fun horror film to an ominous and terrifying one. Babes with guns are heroic in this but it will be so sad to see some evening gown-clad beauties shredded.  As the survivor pool decreases, the privileged may have found a weakness for these monsters, but is it too late?

Will the lovely Jenna get her pre-marital sex with the mayor, even though she has had to arm herself and turn all killer?  Will the lovely evening gown clad Ophelia get into catfights with female monsters? Will Frank and all his brains that created a flying car company figure out a way out of this?  This is a good one and don't be fooled by an almost comedic introduction of the party goers...it'll get ominous and terrifying real quick. See "Alien Storm" starting next week on Apple TV and Amazon Prime.

   

Cruise Into Terror, Aaron Spelling Made-For-TV Horror

Today we look at ABC's Friday Night Movie from February 3, 1978. Okay, Jo Ann Harris! The most beautiful actress of the 1970s we never talk about. Overshadowed by the Charlie's Angels babes, Ms. Harris will factor huge, often in a bikini, in our feature today.  Our feature today? An Aaron Spelling TV spectacular.  Listen to these names, along with Jo Ann Harris. Dirk Benedict!  John Forsythe!  Christopher and Lynda Day George! Lee Meriwether! Ray Milland! Stella Stevens! Roger E. Mosely! Hugh O'Brien! Hilarie Thompson! Did I mention Jo Ann Harris in a bikini? Throw in Satan and a shipwreck, and we have "Cruise Into terror," directed by Bruce Kessler. 

Captain Andy (O'Brien) is ordered by the shipping company boss to carry eight passengers to Cozumel, Mexico so they can get on a luxury cruise ship. Minutes later the boss is killed in a forklift accident. Hesitantly Andy welcomes them aboard and sets sail across the Gulf of America to Mexico. On board is Andy's First officer Simon (Benedict), Neal and Sandra (Christopher and Lynda Day George), party girl Judy (Harris), her bookwormish buddy Debbie (Thompson), the professor (Milland), the math guy Matt (Frank Converse), the witch Marilyn (Stevens) , The reverend (Forsyth) and his spinster wife Lil (Meriwether). And more! Yep, the Professor is going to Cozumel to find the ancient Egyptian tomb of the son of Satan. The Egyptians wanted it buried on the other side of the Earth. Matt tells him the exact location is actually at the bottom of the Gulf of America and now the ship just happens to be over that spot.

Now weird stuff happens. Greed overtakes the passengers and spinster Lil turns into a demon-seductress and desires sex with everyone.  Oh, Judy dons a bikini a lot in hopes of seducing Simon. Neal turns evil with greed and Sandra pleads with him to be himself again. Judy dons a bikini...did I mention that? The reverend is convinced the sarcophagus that divers have brought aboard the ship contains the second coming of Satan or something like that and seeks to destroy it.  His wife, Lil, played by the former Miss America, sheds her spinster identity and has extra-marital sex with Matt the math guy. Captain Andy and Simon desperately try to fix the ship's engine before a storm rolls in. Evil permeates and Judy even attacks her buddy Debbie. The reverend now seeks to get Miss America back as he tries to destroy the sarcophagus.  Neal and Matt seem possessed as they try to protect the son of Satan. Judy continues to look good, dressing in undies or wearing a bikini. Oh, Captain Andy will be seduced by Marilyn the witch and the two will engage in pre-marital sex.

Did anyone consider Jo Ann Harris to be in "Charlie's Angels"?  Will the former Miss America continue extra-marital sex with guardians of Satan or return to her prudish husband?  Will Satan make Jo Ann Harris and Lee Meriwether  engage in a catfight on the Lido deck?  This is a good one and all the stars in it have infinitely more appeal than the rubbish we have now.  For a real movie with a real plot, and real stars, see "Cruise Into Terror," an Aaron Spelling Production.

Gator Lake, A Weird One with Gators...or are they Crocs?

Okay, we need to clear some things up. The title of the movie! "Gator Lake"? "Crocodile Revenge"? "Lake Jesup: Bonecrusher's Revenge"? Best I can tell, we should go with "Gator Lake: Bonecrusher's Revenge." Next...based on true events? Yep...and we'll go with that. Bonecrusher? A big crocodile...or alligator.  Crocodile or alligator? Take my word for it...same difference!  When you meet one face to face you won't go all marine biologist and try to classify it. Horror story? No, love story.  Sadly, there is a case to be made for this. Let us look at 2025's "Gator Lake," directed by Michael Houston King.

Bonecrusher escapes from Gator World and chews up 11 people in Lake Jesup, or Swamp Lake. Bonecrusher? Gator World's star attraction that Gator World's owner, Angus Sullivan (Jeff Benninghofen) raised by feeding it human remains. Now Bonecrusher has a taste for human flesh and we all know, once one taste's human flesh, we cannot go back to beef. Enter Bubba (Derek Russo). He just got out of the joint after 22 years. He's a croc hunter and knows Bonecrusher well.  Bubba is hired by the mayor (King) to kill Bonecrusher.  Bonecrusher is still eating peeps. Bubba then goes on the  most low energy gator hunt, or croc hunt, anyone can imagine. He watched Bonecrusher eat more peeps all while ticking off some broad named Lainy (Sarah Voigt).  Lainy? Never mind.  There is no way humanly possible to explain Lainy to you in a way you'd understand, but she provides this film with dozens of awkward scenes. I will say that Lainy just seems like the kind of gal you would always be apologizing to if you dated her. Now, enough said.

Lainy makes us look away from the screen and at our feet.  Let's forget about her. Bubba has a score to settle.  He blames Sullivan for all the carnage, the death of his wife, and now suspects his dear departed wife's remains may have been fed to Bonecrusher. Bubba grunts a lot.  Bubba yells at Sullivan a lot.  Bubba does something to Lainy that we kind of assume is romancing her. Bonecrusher eats more people. Oh, to slow the plot down, Bubba has a daughter (Katie Gibbons) he has not seen in 22 years, and a grandson he has never seen. Yep, they are in this...and they make us cheer for Bonecrusher. Eventually, Bubba does come up with a great plan to find and kill Bonecrusher and you won't believe what he will use for bait.

Will Bubba be able to romance Lainy and suck some face with her?  Will Bonecrusher eat Lainy, and Bubba's daughter and grandson?  Will Bubba ever go high-energy? Oh!  I should point out that this film is the magnum opus of  Savannah Grace Elmer.  Miss Elmer (pictured in the bikini top above) is a beautiful actress who can recite the alphabet backwards.  Really.  This is a good one in an MST3K type of way.  For some gator, or croc fun, see "Gator Lake," or whatever this film is called.   

Scream of the Wolf, Made for TV Horror

Nothing says 1970s ABC made-for-TV better than Jo Ann Pflug. In her defense, she is good looking. Sure, she's no Cheryl Ladd or Tanya Roberts...but she still is a catch. Match her up with the aging Peter Graves, and we have carnal sparks fly all over the place. Okay, I'm overstating it. We have a wooden dating relationship in which, if we're lucky, we'll see them kiss. Or, maybe not. Wolf?  Werewolf?  Sure, there is that too. But 1974's "Scream of the Wolf" isn't a horror movie, it's a love story.  No! That's silly! It's a werewolf story. Don't you hate when filmmakers say that about their horror movies.  Directed by Dan Curtis, our feature today is also a nice mystery.

A beast murders some schmuck (Tom Dever) in the woods. The poor guy is all chewed up and ripped apart. Weird tracks are found near the body. Sheriff Vernon Bell (Philip Carey) calls in former hunter, and current novelist, John (Graves) to help out. He's perplexed. Both the sheriff and John ask Byron (Clint Walker) to help out. Byron is a current big-game hunter and John's former best friend. Byron? He's busy. Doing what? Busy. Over the next few nights, more people are ripped to shreds by the monster. John really tries to get Byron on board...but he's busy. Byron tells John to look on the bright side, "Only in mortal danger are we alive." I know what you're thinking. Is Byron the werewolf? Guess what! John left hunting when him and Byron tracked a wolf in Canada. The wolf got a jump on Byron and tore him up pretty bad before John killed it. Right...Byron was bitten...so he's the werewolf!  Everyone thinks so, but not John.

In fairness, John doesn't come across as that bright. He starts dating Sandy (Pflug) and the two are quite dull.  Pre-marital sex? Not even a kiss. At one point she makes him coffee...just like Lana Turner did for John Garfield in "The Postman Always Rings Twice." Sandy hates Byron.  Afterall, she thinks he is a werewolf. Women can be so judgmental. John still isn't convinced even after drinking Sandy's coffee. Soon, it is apparent that Byron is playing John...but why? More killings...more vagueness as to what Byron is busy doing.

Is Byron a werewolf, or is that too easy?  Will John and Sandy at least suck some face or is Peter Graves too old to remember what to do in that situation?  Is there some sort of weird relationship between Byron and John stemming back from the wolf attack many years ago? This is a mystery, and we are most intrigued by Clint Walker's character, who looks like he could give Sandy a better roll in the hay than John could...if our minds were to go there. See "Scream of the Wolf" for some neat Made-For-TV horror...or whatever you want to call it.    

Beverly Hills Massacre, Texas Chainsaw Massacre Meets Uber

Now there is a connection Tobe Hooper never foresaw. Still, we have a brutal horror film about a nubile babe ride share driver. Sure, it may begin slow, but the last half of this movie is twisted, gory, brutal, and depraved. This is the type of horror where people might yell, "This is some sick f***ing s**t!" Nevertheless, this Jason Toler film has ambition and nerve.  Our feature today is 2025's "Beverly Hills Massacre."

The beginning of this film is right out of "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre." You'll see. After that nostalgic opening we see the sultry Kelly (Elizabeth Bird) having passionate pre-marital sex with her hunk BF Tommy (Zach Kuntz). We know what happens to those who engage in this behavior in these slasher films. Kelly is an aspiring actress, and we like her.  She is really banking on getting a role in an ice cream commercial. Kelly has not made it yet so she drives a ride share, picking up fares and depositing them. We get to meet her riders, some very interesting peeps in Beverly Hills. Then, through some deception, Kelly picks up Karen (Malia Arrayah). The tall weird woman who  wears a mask and dresses in a tight, short, revealing outfit lies to Kelly and tips her big. Kelly lets her guard down and drives her to a Beverly Hills mansion where she helps Karen bring her bags in.

Uh oh...Karen and her butler (Roy Allen) drug Kelly and lock her in a room with the previous victim, who has her mouth sewn shut. Yep, Karen has plans for Kelly and we get a hint of it when Karen removes her mask and reveals a disfigured face. Kelly will be tortured, bludgeoned with a crowbar, and prepped for... well, you'll see. Oh, there are other guests who have also been locked up and driven to madness.  Kelly is different, she is beautiful and Karen has dibs on her...well, you'll see. What follows is gore, and lurid torture.  Kelly has fight and will not succumb, if she has anything to say about it.

What does Karen want from Kelly?  Will Kelly's hunk BF look for her and come to try to save her? Will the ending of this film be right out of the 1974 Tobe Hooper classic? This is a loud one with disturbing images and plot points.  For a hidden gem, endure the first 35 minutes, and treat yourself to a gory and prurient story of the filthy rich and what they do to us poor schmucks.  See "Beverly Hills Massacre" and think about who needs to be paying more taxes in our country.

The Cosmic Man, Does He Mean Peace...or Conquest

Today we have another1950s B sci-fi classic with that old, tried and true, classic theme. You know the theme...do we annihilate the alien visitor, or do we try to communicate with it and make friends? Inevitably, we annihilate it...but in all fairness, that was probably the right choice. I mean, did Kurt Russell try to make friends with The Thing? No!  He took a flamethrower to it. Like you would have done differently! Okay, lets look at 1959's "The Cosmic Man," directed by Herbert S. Greene.

A UFO is tracked by radar and crashes into the mountains of a California town. The military sends war-hawk Colonel Matthews (Paul Langton), USAF. They also send the guy who invented the A-Bomb, Dr. Karl Sorenson (Bruce Bennett), a scientist who feels guilty about annihilating tens of thousands of Japanese. Matthews is suspicious the thing means bad news for Earth. Sorenson doesn't jump to conclusions and is intrigued by the fact that an inter-galactic visitor is inside the impenetrable orb that hovers a few feet off the ground. Along comes the beautiful blonde widow Kathy (Angela Greene). She drives up to the site in her convertible. She has an open mind and we figure she also has an open mind about which hunk to marry. Yeah, the two hunks represent both sides of a classic debate but both are bores.

What, or who is ever inside the orb comes out. The Cosmic Man (John Carradine) is invisible and goes to science labs to see what Earthlings are up to.  He decides the Earthlings are pre-occupied with war and annihilation and tries to warn them against this pursuit. Oh, The Cosmic Man, now visible, gets a room at Kathy's lodge, perhaps desiring to mate with beautiful blonde Earthlings. Can we blame him? Afterall, don't we all have urges after traveling billions of light years through space? The plot goes back and forth whether The Cosmic Man means peace, or interplanetary war. Kathy goes back and forth whether to marry the boring scientist or the hawk Colonel.  The military brings in fresh weapons. Dr. Sorenson brings in more probing scientific tools. The Cosmic Man gets ready to recite his demands on the confused Earthlings.  Kathy begins thinking of her biological clock.

Who will Kathy decide on, and is the inter-galactic visitor in the running?  Is Sorenson or the Colonel right and will friends be made, or enemies annihilated?  Just what is The Cosmic Man's intention on Earth, and would he be open to an inter-species relationship with an Earth blonde? This is a fun one, no doubt preaching against xenophobia.  Still, the possibility of outsiders desiring to murder you is a plot point kept open by the movie makers.  See "The Cosmic Man" and enjoy some neat 1950's B Movie treasures.  

Drakul, Vamps and Politicians Gone Wild

I'm trying to remember...it seems to me "Drakul" was a YouTube series almost a decade ago. Of late, it is on Tubi as a 70-minute movie...so I put it on. Why? When I first started this blog, one of the first films I did was "Mongolian Death Worm." It was the perfect film for my blog. Big slimy monsters and babes. Victoria Pratt was in it and so was Auradrone lead singer, Jon Mack. Both ladies appeared several times subsequently on my blog. Well, guess what...Jon Mcck is one of the stars of "Drakul" and she plays a vamp. A bloodsucker. So today we are going to look at 2017's "Drakul," directed by Michael Merino.

Senator Christian Drake (Lee Ordeman) is running for president. He'll win because he has made a pact with a vampire demon king. This union has mixed results and Drake's lovely wife (Tracy Teague) proves unreliable so she is offed. No matter, his vampire handler, Jezabeth (Mack) provides him with a whore (Joy Glass). This makes mourning difficult. A lot of forces are now mechanized to either stop Drake from becoming leader of the free world, or to ensure he does. The order of Drakul is very competent and most of their opponents are slaughtered...no matter how pretty they are. Dr. Stuart (Joe Estevez) seems to lead the most competent branch of opponents, but he seems almost as evil as the vampire cabal.

Jezabeth, a very elegant vamp, is quite persuasive and is able to control Drake into behaving and taking orders...though her allure probably has a lot to do with that. You know U.S. Senators...what a lot? Oh, being held prisoner is Drake's illegitimate son, some schmuck named David (Gabriel Voss). For now, he's just the buffet for two sultry vamps, but is being kept alive for some reason, not yet known. By the way, one of Jezabeth's henchwomen is Alexa (Elyse Dufour), and she is a dish! It should be noted that this is a serial and another one of these movies must be out there, I'll look.

Will the conspiracy theorists claim the vampire cabal is a metaphor for AIPAC?  Will Jezabeth and Alexa engage in a catfight over some demon king? Are vampire controlled U.S. Senators preferable to the ones we have now, who are not controlled by vampires...at least in the literal sense? Vampire and conspiracy enthusiasts will love "Drakul," and if there is another one, I will try to find it.