Half Moon, A Hooker and a Werewolf

What if "My Dinner with Andre" was a horror film...a werewolf film?  Would Siskel and Ebert have still fawned over it?  Instead of Andre, the role was switched with a sultry, scantily clad whore?  Right. Siskel would have been fine with that, but not Ebert, probably. Today we have that film. The 2010 Jason Toler film, starring the 'adult' film star Tori Black, "Half Moon." A lot of conversation, but also some passionate pre-marital sex and dismemberment.  Sounds like "Mystic Pizza, " I know!

Rose (Black) is a sultry...whore!  Her pimp Kevin (Torey D. Sutton) is a mean one and he has rules. Immediately, Rose breaks the rules, steals another whore's trick, and ends up in a motel room with a handsome guy from Eastern Europe, Jacob (Marek Matousek). They talk, and he feeds her a nice dinner.  He's mysterious and apparently part gentleman. Rose kind of likes him. When they get down to the pre-marital sex, it is the most amazing Rose has ever had. Then they talk some more and Rose finds duct tape, handcuffs, tranquilizers, syringes, and a gun in the bathroom.  Concerned they are to be used on her, she takes the gun and confronts Jacob.

Even after Rose ties Jacob to the chair, the conversation continues. Rose calls Kevin who shows up, pummels Rose, and demands Rose get the combo for this guy's safe and get out all the money.  Now Rose, with a gun, tries forcing Jacob to give her the safe combination. Jacob insists he has a condition and the money is needed to pay a doctor to cure him.  Rose is skeptical...but soon she won't be.  What happens next?  You can probably guess, but the strong part of this film is Tori Black who oozes seduction and primal bacchanalia in every scene she is in.

Will Jacob get loose from his binds and tear up Rose?  Will  Jacob get loose from his binds and make more pre-marital sex with Rose?  Will Kevin come back and force the issue?  The cheese factor is terrific in this film and Mr. Matousek is terrific as the exotic hunk with a problem.  If the cast does not talk your ear off, you will enjoy the sex, gore, and violence of "Half Moon."

Cannibal Troll, Monster vs. Lesbian Babes

As if the title did not tell you everything you need to know. This English offering decides to not only push the alphabet agenda, it also pushes every other envelope it can. This film delves in the uber-taboo and the fate of Lizzy (Megan Purvis) is one you may not believe as it plays out in front of you on the silver screen. With a cue from "A Serbian Film," our feature today presents us the disgusting and revolting...but we are endeared by the troll (Zuza Tehanu) and his plight.  Now let us look at 2021's "Cannibal Troll," directed by Scott Chambers and Becca Hirani.

Yep, a cannibalistic troll rules a section of the woods and if you wander in, he'll eat you. Before he does that he will put you through that old classic fraternity boy ritual of tying you up, and making you eat your girlfriend...or worse.  Worse? Yep. You'll see. Okay, Cassie (Georgina Jane) is about to marry a guy...ick! That's what her bestie thinks. Ava (Nicole Nabi) had a wild lesbian encounter with Cassie and wants her. Also along for a camping trip is sultry lesbian Yara (Barbara Dabson), the pregnant Lizzy, and Cassie's mom, Emma (Kate Sandison). We have already met the troll as he made some nubile babe eat her boyfriend...literally. The four go on the hike with lesbian sexual tension exploding.  Emma is naive, but Ave does hope to get Cassie back.  

See where this is going?  The troll finds them and makes mincemeat out of them with his bow and arrow and an axe.  The opportunity for Cassie to eat Ava, or for Ava to eat Cassie is right around the corner... literally...okay, and figuratively. Yara? A babe...sadly, she'll meet many of the arrows shot by the troll. Emma? Not worth mentioning.  Pregnant Lizzy?  Horrifically, the troll has unique plans for her and... well, you'll see, if you don't cover your eyes. Now Cassie has a chance to man-up, figuratively, and literally.  Ava increasingly professes her love to Cassie, fortunately the troll always comes by interrupting these scenes. Enough of the plot, when this film ends, the alphabet agenda will not be the talking point this movie presents, rather it will be what happened to the pregnant Lizzy.

Just what will befall Lizzy and her unborn baby?  Will Ava succeed in making Cassie face her true identity?  What deference will the troll show to these two babes from a "marginalized community"?  Will the social statement by the moviemakers justify what happens to Lizzy and her unborn baby?  You decide.  For a shocking and taboo film, see "Cannibal Troll." 

The Naked Witch, Blondes in Bikinis in Peril

Blondes in bikinis, or other undies, don't usually fare well in these films.  The nubile lot just can't keep from capturing the attention of satanists, berserkers, or evil witches.  Sadly, they are punished for their beauty. No, not a film about woke Ivy league colleges, but a serious horror film about witchcraft, blood sacrifices, and an inept team of parapsychic researchers.  Our feature today is the 1969 uber erotic "The Naked Witch" (aka "The Witchmaker"), directed by William O. Brown.

As our film begins a sultry blonde in a white bikini climbs out of the swamp all wet and shiny. She'll immediately be grabbed by Luther the Berserker (John Lodge), stripped, murdered, hung upside down, and drained of her blood. This babe was the eighth nubile blonde to buy it this way. Enter Dr. Hayes (Alvy Moore) and his team. The team? Blonde babe psychic Tasha (Thordis Brandt), the lovely blonde but useless Sharon (Robyn Millan), the sultry secretary Maggie  (Shelby Grant), the grad student Owen (Tony Benson), and the hunk reporter Vic (Anthony Eisley). The first thing they do as they enter the bayou where all these babes have been drained of blood? Right. Tasha and Sharon, dress in bikinis, Tasha takes her top off, and the babes rub suntan lotion all over themselves. Luther senses Tasha's presence and wants her.  Who wouldn't?

Luther knows talent, though other than her looks, Tasha really isn't good at anything, except rubbing suntan lotion. Luther summons an old hag, who turns into a babe witch (Warrene Ott) and they entrance Tasha. Tasha then lures Sharon into a midnight tryst, but Luther is waiting and they drain her blood. So sad. Now Luther and the witch he conjured, with an entranced Tasha go to work on the team. Dr. Hayes is useless and slow. Vic is heroic but incompetent. Luther and all the babe and nude witches he conjures up are party animals and into orgies, and in need of the blonde babe Tasha. Vic has a plan, not a good one, but Dr. Hayes and him will try it. At stake, the sultry and entranced Tasha.

Will there be a catfight between Tasha and either Maggie, Sharon, or the dozen or so babe nude witches? Will Luther be able to make Tasha his mate for all eternity?  Does Luther have any idea what happens to babes after a week...it's like that Meatloaf song, "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights."  I mean, eternity is a long time to put up with an annoying laugh or constant nagging, or...okay, never mind. See the very erotic and arousing "The Naked Witch."   

The Ladies of the House, Cannibal Strippers!

Prurient! Gory! Seductive!  This one stars four lovely actresses who play strippers...er, I mean, exotic dancers!  Guess what else they are...yep...cannibals.  A metaphor for sultry dames in general?  You answer that one.  The victims?  Wait, victims?  Three hunks, well, two hunks and a...well, you'll see.  Don't cry for anyone, no one in this film gets anything they do not deserve.  Our feature today is 2014's "The Ladies of the House," directed by John Stuart Wildman.

Getty (Melodie Sisk), Lin (Farah White), Crystal (Brina Palencia), and Ginger (Belladonna) are four hot strippers who are also roomies in a house. Getty and Lin are lovers, and Ginger and Crystal are lovers. Yes, there will be passion, even in the shower, among these two couples. Kai (RJ Hanson) is a mentally challenged giant and it is his b-day. His brother Jacob (Gabriel Horn) and friend Derek (Samrat Chakrabarti) bring Kai to a strip club to get him de-virginized.  This doesn't work as he goes spastic with even a hint of feminine contact. The gals perform there and are done for the night. Before three of the girls head home, Ginger heads back to the house. Unbeknownst to her, the three guys follow hoping for a party with the girls. Besides, Jacob still wants to get Kai laid.  The men show up, and Ginger lets them in hesitantly, and then all goes to pot.  Drugs, alcohol, and dares end up in Ginger being murdered by the men. 

The murder was accidental, but incredibly careless.  When the other three babes return, they will find Ginger's corpse...and hints that the trio of men are hiding in the house. The babes have secrets.  No spoiler here, they usually lure men home to have play-time with, then murder them, and butcher them, and cook them, and eat them.  Now the three men are being hunted in close quarters.  The exotic dancers will have passion, hunt, have some more passion, have a shower, and hunt some more.  What happens next will be incredibly gory, heartbreaking, and full of torture.  Not for the squeamish, but think of what goes on in a butcher shop.

Will the three exotic dancers survive the homicidal intruders?  Will the three homicidal intruders survive the cannibalistic strippers...er, exotic dancers, I mean?  Are all gorgeous babes lunatic nut-cases?  The cheese in this one is tremendous, and so is the gore.  For some very prurient horror that will cause you to hide your eyes in several scenes, see "The Ladies of the House."

Drawn Into the Night, Cheerleaders Humiliated in Cages

Wow! Misogyny!  Sexploitation! Think Giallo or Euro-Trash times 10! How does anyone get away making movies like this?  Officially, I am appalled. Pretty cheerleaders and other high school skanks humiliated, violated, and exploited by the most vilest of human beings.  I am so offended. Now, if your curious as to what I'm talking about, let us look at 2022's "Drawn Into the Night," directed by Bill McAdams, Jr. If you are still curious, find it on Tubi, you will love it! 

Three sultry cheerleaders (Chelsea Brummet, Adriana DeMeo, and Sharon McNerney) from Belmont High, in full costume, frolic in the moonlight. They'll be captured in a net and put in cages. This makes six cheerleaders total who have been taken. The cops assign sultry detective Kate ( Jessica Sonneborn) undercover into the high school to find out what is going on. She'll get into catfights with skanks, and prance around locker rooms in satin undies with those same skanks. She befriends the sultry and semi-clean cut Lauren (Paulie Rojas) and earn the scorn of the sultry b#$%h Brittany (Augie Duke), Tina (Sita Young), and Brooke (Casey Reinhardt) . They all get lured to a phony rave party.  The gals get all dolled up and drive to the middle of nowhere.

As soon as they get there, the gals are hunted with stun guns, captured, and caged. Kate, the empowered female detective is a lousy cop. Fortunately the men will show up later to undo her incompetence, but that's another story. The caged girls meet the captured cheerleaders, in other cages, and are zapped more with stun guns and hauled away for some deadly humiliation.  The beautiful will die horribly, but can Kate save at least some of them...or can some man detective save them. Exploited, humiliated, and electrocuted, the gals will be forced into humiliating deviance and violence.

The actresses in this film are all sultry.  Their deaths are so heartbreaking. The brutes in this film are so evil. Why are these sultry cheerleaders and skanks being taken, and by who?  Will Kate be able to beat the rich-b#$%h Brittany in a vicious cat fight?  Will any of the sultry cheerleaders survive this film?  Prurient, exploitive, misogynistic, and so good.  For some great sexploitation, fit for a 1970s drive-in experience, see "Drawn Into the Night." 

Strip Club Slasher, Bloody Prurience

Filmed like an early 1970s drive-in movie, this nostalgic piece will leave you needing a shower.  Dirty, grimy, gory, and without any morally redeeming qualities, this stripper heavy drama will probably leave you gasping at the uber-prurient and twisted ending. Here's the best part!  This film stars one of this blog's favorite actresses...Sarah French! Our feature today is 2010's "Strip Club Slasher," directed by Jason Stephenson.

After a bad night stripping at a dive strip club, Kitty (Elske McCain) is murdered by a weird guy who intercepts her in the parking lot. So distraught...okay, not very distraught...the other strippers at the club will convene at Desiree's (Rachel Grubb) house for remembrance.  In reality, only the sultry Sarah (French) has mourning type feelings for Kitty. The other strippers are indifferent to the poor babe's fate. Desiree actually invited all the strippers over so she could get into Sarah's pants. This is a shock to Desiree's stripper GF Jezzy (Saint Deville). Jezzy's twin sister, Heidi (also Deville), is Sarah's good friend and gets stoned immediately. Now distraught as Desiree chases Sarah into the bathroom, Jezzy storms out only to meet a tortuous fate at the hands of the killer.

Now the killer has descended on the house and he is a hulking being. He'll also follow all the strippers back to the club when they return there to talk to the investigating detective (Joel D. Wynkoop). The killer has a big machete and he'll use it to decapitate and slice throats.  The gals fall faster than a prom dress at an after party, but Sarah has what it takes to be the final girl...or does she?  Desiree is excited when Sarah recounts to her a memory of her first lesbian encounter with Mindy Muffin (Leah Avery). Sadly for Desiree, Sarah is not interested in her.  What happened to Mindy Muffin?  Unknown. Now the masked behemoth enters the club and begins swinging away with his machete.

Will Sarah be the final girl or is there something twisted planned for her by these warped movie makers?  Will Desiree get to bring Sarah to ecstasy, or will Sarah maintain high standards?  Just who is this masked killer, and could it be Mindy Muffin returning to share some glory with Sarah? The ending will be as twisted, or more, than the first 70 minutes of this film.  For an epic performance by Sarah French, in a bloody and prurient slasher film, see "Strip Club Slasher."  

Blood Mountain Massacre, Homage to Drive-In Splatter Fests

There's a lot here, and none of it is good.  I mean, so bad its good.  If you like those Satan exploitation films that showed up on drive-in screens in the late 60s and early 70s, then this is the film for you.  Though this is a 2024 film, it is filmed like an old drive-in offering.  The plot is right out of so many films you saw in the 70s and 80s, but that is a lot better than out of a Stanley Kubrick or Francois Truffaut film...or better than that "Star Wars" Mandalorian nonsense.  Babes in peril!  Machetes!  Escapee from an insane asylum!  Gratuitous shower scenes! No, not the remake for "To Kill a Mockingbird," but "Blood Mountain Massacre," directed by Bob Place.

There is a plot, but be wise and don't pay too much attention to it lest you miss gratuitous shower scenes or splattering blood. A total lunatic escapes from a prison van bound for an asylum for the criminally insane. Edward (Jody Black) kills a babe juggler by shoving a curling iron through her eyeball. Dr. Loomis (Greg Behrens) arrives and tells the cops his patient is a true murder machine ...think Jason. Okay, now we meet the stars of this epic, an all-girl punk rock band called The Abortions. A rough crew of babes featuring Laurie (K.D. O'Hair) a heroin addict, Nancy (Katherine Blackford) a blonde Tarot card reader, Alice (Liz Derr) a nymphomaniac who likes it rough, Pam (Vandala Morton) a Pam Greer wannabe. Also along is the clean cut sister of Laurie, Sally (Jenna Aungst) who sells the merch at concerts and drives the van.

As Edward murders his way on his trek to Blood Mountain, The Abortions join the lead band Dick Hammer for an after-party at their lead singer, Freddie's (Matt Maher) blood mountain cabin. A veritable drug filled orgy develops with shower scenes and hot tub deviance. Then Edward arrives...and you can guess where the plot goes...or can you?  Director Bob Place has a surprise or three for us and what follows is one of the most ambitious plots you will ever see.  Worry not, the plot won't become clean cut but this film becomes much more than a slasher horror film.

Yes, I have left out a lot, you'll see.  Will the all-girl punk rock band make it to the end of the film intact?  Will Sally maintain her virginity as the end credits roll?  With bands called Dick Hammer and The Abortions, can you figure out where a lot of this plot will go?  This is a prurient and decadent traipse through a slasher/satanist film that would have played well in the drive-ins over 50 years ago.  Today we look upon it with nostalgia and guilty pleasure.  See "Blood Mountain Massacre" and then take a good long hot shower afterwards to clean off all the dirt you will feel.